The Freakin' Weekend- Christmas Cookie Edition

I never accomplish everything on my weekend to-do lists. 

It rained most of the weekend, so we had to cross off a lot of the list. Instead, I went to Target alone on Saturday, and it was GLORIOUS.

 I left the house around 1:30. 

Alex called me at 4:30, sounding panicky, asking "where ARE you?!" 

{...long pause...} "I'm still shopping." 

"At TARGET?!"

I don't see the issue. I could stay at Target for a year. They have everything I would need to survive.

After my solo excursion, we joined some friends to watch the annual boat parade, where people decorate their boats with Christmas lights and sail around.

I am STILL sending Christmas cards. I ordered them from Tiny Prints on Black Friday, and though they arrived in less than a week, I managed to lose some of them. So here we are, three days before Christmas, and I am still finding cards that didn't go out/I have wrong addresses on/Bobby hid in some obscure cranny of our house. 

I do love Christmas cards. No matter how technologically advanced society gets, I hope that we always send Christmas cards in the mail. One of my favorite parts of the holiday season is opening the mailbox and receiving cards from our friends and family. Although it does make me feel kind of old to see all of our friends with real families..and then to see all these kids getting bigger and bigger every year. 

For those of you whom I have missed or gotten a wrong address, here is a Christmas greeting from our family to yours. Please note the jet picture on the back of the card, where we had to photoshop Bobby's head onto his body. That was a day of questionable behavior.

Speaking of questionable behavior, Oh my GOD, yesterday was unprecedented. I have never seen such wiley mischievousness in all of my lives. I started off the day declaring to everyone that it was our First Annual Family Christmas Cookie Decorating Extravaganza. Baking and decorating cookies was a tradition when I was growing up, so I've been really excited to establish the tradition in our family. I know that Bobby is still too little to appropriately decorate a cookie, but I thought he could at least play in the frosting and toss some sprinkles on. First, I had to get the cookies ready for decorating. 

During this, Bobby managed to climb on the counters about eleven times, even though he knows good and well that this is not allowed. Then Viv needed to be put down for a nap. I ran back into the kitchen to find Bobby on the counter playing in a very expensive candle that my mama had given me. I put him in timeout, and afterward, I had to run out to get more wood for the fireplace. I returned to find him back on the counter, playing in the melted candle, with red wax up to his elbows. He did ruin the candle this second time, which was upsetting, but was the least of my concerns, as now I have melted candle wax all over my counter tops. I intended to punish him for this, but then I was covered in candle wax from trying to clean him up. So I went into the pantry to grab another roll of paper towels. In this span of 10 seconds, he grabbed the box of pasta that I was going to make for dinner and stuck his waxy little hands in it, covering all the uncooked noodles in pungent, red cinnamon candle wax. So that was out for dinner. 

I then decided that I had to pull all of the bar stools out from the counter (that's his way of climbing on the counter), so I put them up against the wall. But alas, he used the bar stools up against the wall to climb up and tear all of the Christmas cards down and, oh my GOD, put all the thumbtacks in his mouth.

After I fished all of the thumbtacks out of his mouth, I started prepping the cookie icing. Around this time, I realized Alex hadn't been around in an awfully long time--this was supposed to be our First Annual Family Christmas Cookies Decorating Extravaganza, you recall. He had sneaked away into the guest house to finish his tiling project. 

I stepped out the door for just a second to check on him, and I returned to find that Bobby had breached the baby gate that blocks his access to the pantry. He was sitting on the floor of the pantry playing in sprinkles, red food coloring, and drinking syrup from the bottle.

 EFF.

It was at this point that I pulled a Clark W. Griswold and lost it, pitching a hissy fit in front of the entire family. They just stood there stunned, and then I immediately felt like a brat.

But how does he pull this bullshit in a matter of seconds? I. Don't. Understand. 

I know that most of these things happen when I divert my attention for minute or take my eyes off him for a second, but I can't watch him every minute of every day. Especially with another baby. I just can't. Does anybody have any suggestions? Is this just life with a boy toddler? 

{In case you're wondering, yes, he got in trouble for almost every infraction. Punishment does not seem to affect this child. I think we are going to have to move to Plan C.} 

Then, after this shitshow, I gave him cookies and icing, and told him to have at it. Make a mess. Get into the sprinkles. Have fun. 

And wouldn't you know that the little booger wouldn't even look at the cookies. The one time I am encouraging making a mess, he wasn't interested. He ignored it. Alex was busy. Vivi can't even crawl yet. So our First Annual Family Christmas Cookies Decorating Extravaganza turned into the Annette-Sitting-in-the Kitchen-Holding-Back-Tears-and-Cursing-Silently-into-the-Royal-Icing-Show. 

And then Bobby ate my kitchen table centerpiece, and I had to fish out a mouthful of marbles before he swallowed them. All in a day's work.

If you're thinking that our Christmas tree is beginning to lean a little to the left, then you'd be correct.

After we put the beasties to bed, I laid in front of the fire alone for a few minutes and ate Christmas cookies. The fire crackled. The tree lights blazed. The babies slept. It was quiet and joyful and magical. And I thought to myself that this is what life is really about. It's about the daily shitshows. I prayed for this life. And now I have it, and it's crazy. But one day I will miss this. So I'm thankful. 

3 days 'til Christmas! 

Keep on keepin' on

-Annette