A Day in the Life

Have you ever overslept through something important? And despite all your best efforts to prepare yourself, you still screwed it up? Well, this happened to me yesterday morning. 

Bobby had a doctor's appointment that has been scheduled for weeks. I knew about this for weeks. Alex has messaged me literally three times a day for the past few days reminding me about this appointment that was supposed to be on Thursday, March 5th, at 9:30am. It wasn't an oversight. I did NOT forget. I set an alarm on my iPad calender, I showered the night before (so you KNOW I really meant business), and I laid out all our clothes so that we would be able to get ready quickly the next morning. 

And I still screwed it up. 

I heard the babies crying from their rooms, which is my lovely alarm clock every morning, and assumed it must be 7:30, maybe 8am. I stretched and looked at the clock. 9:42. You have GOT to be kidding me. How did this happen? Did I hit my alarm clock in my sleep? Was I having that good of a dream? How am I that irresponsible? 

I panicked, but quickly calmed down and called the doctor to reschedule. That wasn't a big deal. The big deal is that I knew that I was going to have to explain myself to my husband, and it was going to be really embarrassing. You see, I am not sure that he truly understands all the bullshit I have to handle on a day-to-day basis, and it is even worse when he is gone. Bobby acts out much worse when Daddy is away. Maybe he can sense my weakness; I'm not sure. But I have to deal with significantly more behavioral inconsistencies when Alex is away on work trips. One of my biggest fears is that Alex may secretly think that I don't do that much during the day. Any time that he watches the kids, they are usually pretty well-behaved, so I don't think that he really knows what I endure as the mother. But I know that whenever he received the voicemail from Bobby's doctor explaining that I hadn't shown up to the appointment, he wondered how it was humanly possible for me to screw this up, especially since he had texted to remind me about it like 67 times. 

But here's the only explanation I have:

I was tired.

And here's why.

Turning back the clock to...

Wednesday, March 4th

7:31 am - Bobby wakes up screaming like a wounded banshee. I run into his room half-dressed, expecting to find blood and guts, yet he is smiling and says, "hi!" The guy just likes to keep me on my toes. We go downstairs for a diaper change, where he fights me; it's an endearing ritual we have. I put him in his booster seat and turn on PBS. I make him sausage, pancakes, strawberries, and milk. He seems unusually chipper.
7:45 am - I grab a yogurt and some hot tea, and I go sit in the living room and turn on the morning news. As soon as I put the spoon to my mouth, I hear Vivi awake in her room. I put my yogurt down on the coffee table and go upstairs to retrieve her. I bring her into the kitchen, set her down in her chair, and give her pancakes, strawberries, and a bottle. Then I begin to pick up the disaster that Bobby has made all over the kitchen floor with his breakfast. He starts to buck and shriek, so I unfasten him from his booster seat and let him be excused from breakfast. I continue cleaning up the floor after the kiddos until Vivi is finished with breakfast. 
8:00 am - I take Vivi into the play area and change her diaper, and I spy white goop all over the living room rug. Bobby has knocked over the yogurt that I forgot I left sitting on the coffee table, and it is all over the place. Crap. I go to the kitchen, where I realize that we are out of paper towels. You've got to be kidding me. I grab dish towels and go clean up the mess. While I'm cleaning up the yogurt mess on my hands and knees, I hear clanging. Bobby is wielding the fireplace poker. I have to lunge to get it away from him before he injures his baby sister. Vivi, who is experimenting with cruising, falls and hits her head. I pick her up and soothe her. I turn around and see handprints of soot are all over the couch cushions. Have we even used this fireplace poker enough for it to have soot on it? Seriously? How do I even clean soot? I go to get paper towels, when I am reminded once again that we are out.
8:15 am - I sniff something iffy coming from Bobby's diaper, so we do another diaper change. He is especially feisty when there is poop involved. Poop leaks onto his pajama bottoms, so I go rinse them out in the sink, and then take them into the laundry room. I start a load of laundry, and I realize that I left wet clothes in the washer overnight. Damn. I put those into the dryer, and I realize that I'm out of dryer sheets. Are you serious? Didn't I go the the grocery store like 3 days ago??
8:30 am - There are too many crumbs on the floor from breakfast for me to ignore, so I grab the vacuum and do a quick run over the kitchen. Bobby accidentally spills apple juice all over the floor. Annoying, but no biggie. I can just clean it up with some...oh right, we're out of paper towels. I clean it up with another dishrag, which is a huge pet peeve of mine. 
8:45 am - I run upstairs to brush my teeth and put on clothes that are semi-cute clean currently fitting. I put on my trusty baseball cap. I grab clothes for both kids and run downstairs. I dress Vivi, which is becoming more of a challenge now that she is growing more mobile and independent. I have learned that I have to entice Bobby in order to get him to help me get him dressed:

"Bobby, guess what?! You're going to school today! Won't that be so fun? Let's put on your clothes!"

"Shoes!" He replies.

"Well, we have to put on your pants and socks before we can put on your shoes, buddy," I explain.

"Shoes!"

"Yes, shoes. But pants first, sweetie."

"SHOES!!!!"

I finally win this battle, but it takes a little bit of time and skill. He's dressed. Vivi's dressed. Time to go.

9:00 am - I get them both outside, and I have to pry Bobby away from Pellie the Pelican (our bizarre concrete pelican in the front yard. I have no clue what is going on with him and birds lately). We are loaded into the car and are finally pulling out of the driveway.

9:10 am - I am almost out of our neighborhood when I remember that I forgot to grab Bobby's bookbag and lunchbox. We circle back, and I run inside for it. We get back on the road. I do a lovely rendition of "All About That Bass" to Bobby, who thinks it's the greatest thing ever. I feel semi-cool for a half-second. I also hit every red light in the damn county.

9:28 am - We arrive at Bobby's school. I unload the double stroller from the trunk, unbuckle both kids from their car seats. Vivi suddenly begins to assert herself out of nowhere and goes completely stiff, rendering me unable to latch her in. I try to gently bend her little body to sitting position, and she puts up a pretty good fight before acquiescing. Bobby actually sits in the stroller like a good boy because he is excited to go to school. I head into the building and drop him off, get back to the car, put Vivi back into her car seat, and put the stroller back into the trunk. I breathe a sigh of relief.

9:50 am - Vivi and I arrive back home. I let her play with her activity table in the living room while I check my emails. I have 436 unchecked emails. I really have got to start checking them more than once a month. I hear the dryer ding, so I switch out the laundry and begin to fold clothes. Vivi gets stuck in a baby gate that I accidentally left open, and she needs consoling. Also, she's hungry for a snack. I make her a bottle and give her a pear and some crackers. While she's munching, I take the dishes out of the sink and put them into the dishwasher.

10:30 am - Vivi seems unusually tired and is rubbing her eyes, so I decide to put her down for a little nap. I debate putting her into my bed and taking a nap with her. But I really need to try to work on this project I've been trying to finish. So I change her into lounge pants and lay her in her crib for a nap. I go back downstairs and work on my project while she naps. I put up dishes. I go back to the project. Then I start thinking about how tired I really am. Why would I deprive myself of a nap if I have the option to take one? That's practically masochism. So I go upstairs and lie down in my bed for a 30 minute nap...except I really only sleep 15 or 20 minutes because I can't stop thinking about how I really should be putting the laundry away.

noon-ish - Vivi wakes up. She's such a pleasant little girl. Bobby always screams bloody murder when he wakes up, but Vivi just sits in her crib and plays with her babies. I go in and collect her, and we go downstairs for lunch. I am about to put her in her high chair when I sniff a poop. We go for a diaper change, and I discover that it's the Kiss of Death as far as poops go. It's poop that has gone out of her diaper and all the way up her back. It's ruined her clothes. It's gotten all over our changing pad. It's on me. But she's so pleasant, that it's nearly impossible to be annoyed with her. I strip her, change her diaper, and take her clothes and the changing pad cover to hose them off in the sink. I toss them in the laundry room and change out the laundry again. This diaper warrants taking an entire load of trash out the the trash cans in the car port.

12:30 pm - I feed Vivi a lunch of ham, pear, cheese, and a bottle. I eat a protein bar and a lollipop. While she's eating, I finish my Wednesday blog post about our trip to Disney World. Once she's finished eating, we play in the living room for a few minutes together. She's learning to clap her hands, and it's the cutest thing ever.

She's also learning about balance.

1:40 pm - It's time to leave to pick Bobby up from school. We get a diaper change, get in the car, and drive. On the way there, I realize that I forgot to run to the grocery store earlier. I can't put it off any longer because we are out of paper towels, and I cannot survive without paper towels. I just can't. This means I'm going to have to take both kids, which is basically a death wish, but it's a necessary evil I must face. We arrive at the school, get out, unload the stroller, and get Bobby. He pitches a fit when it's time to leave school. Awesome. I manage to subdue him by telling him that we are going to the store, and that he can get a cookie if he's a good little boy. He says "Yay!" I load the kids and stroller up, and we head to Publix.

2:20 pm - We park at Publix, and I curse to myself because I don't see one of the toddler shopping carts in the parking lot. I hate walking with both of them. I take a deep breath and prepare myself for this shitshow that is about to go down in 3-2-1. Holding Vivi, I unload Bobby and make him hold my hand while we walk into the store. The main reason I shop at Publix is because 1) it's really close to our house, 2) it's so nice and friendly, 3) they have the two-seater toddler shopping carts with the steering wheels, and 4) they give kids free cookies at the bakery. We look for the two-seater shopping cart when we are in the store, and we don't see any. I go to the customer service desk and inquire. Apparently they are all being used. I spy one guy pushing only one kid who is way too young to even enjoy the cart, and I consider paying him to trade carts with me. I literally cannot shop with my kids if I don't have these two-seater carts. But as soon as I am about to leave, a two-seater becomes available. We load up in it, and Bobby immediately points to the bakery. This kid knows what's up. We get two cookies and begin to check off our list. In between every item I grab, I have to give Bobby a little ration of cookie, lest he shriek and make people think I'm torturing him. My shopping list calls for "wild rice blend." Hmmmm...I begin to look. Publix has 84,000 different types of wild rice. With my back turned, in the middle of my quest, I hear a splat. I turn back around to find that Bobby has broken the child latch on the cart, reached into the basket, retrieved a carton of strawberries, and dumped them all over the cart and on the floor. I have to quickly talk myself out of losing my shit on the kid. It was just an accident. I take a deep breath. I pick him up and put him down on the ground so I can clean up the strawberries from his seat. While I'm doing that, he begins to pick strawberries up off the grocery store floor and eats them. I start to stop him, but then I say "screw it." He'll probably live. Nobody's watching, so I discreetly clean the strawberries up and get a new carton. Both kids start to unravel quickly, so I get my paper towels and few necessities and high-tail it to the checkout line. Bobby wants a sip of the water I got for myself, so I give him a sip. He wants another sip, but the checkout lady needs me to pay (and he is not to be trusted to drink from a water bottle by himself), so I tell him he's just going to have to wait. He goes absolutely APESHIT, and pitches a fit of epic proportion. I try to ignore him and make light of the situation to the lady at the checkout, muttering, "Somebody's got a case of the 'Terrible Twos,'" as I swipe my credit card. The checkout lady does not seem amused, and replies, "He's about to hit her." I turn around to see that Bobby is trying to shove Vivi's face into the steering wheel on the shopping cart. I quietly tell him that he is about to GET it when he gets to the car. 

3:10 pm - We get to the car, and I deal with Bobby. I unload the groceries and get the kids in the car and head home.

3:25 pm - I get the kids in the car, bring the groceries in, and can tell that my stress level is almost at a max. I don't drink often anymore due to a medical condition, but desperate times call for desperate measures. I pull out a dusty bottle of red wine, open it, and do a quick wine bomb. I immediately feel a little better. I put the kids in their high chairs and feed them a snack. They watch Leapfrog Letter Factory while I fold clothes. Bobby starts to buck in his high chair after a while, so I go to remove him when I see that he has somehow unfastened his diaper underneath his clothes and has peed all over himself. I'm pretty sure he did it just to piss me off. Why else would you do that? I drag him over for a diaper change and a change of clothes and clean the pee out of the high chair. 

3:45 pm - Screw this. I eat Nutella straight from the jar. Then I feel bad about myself. So I do Tony Horton's 10 Minute Workout that I find on YouTube. I have to move the furniture to give myself enough room to accomplish the workout, and Bobby thinks watching me do this is the best thing ever (probably because he's never seen me exercise once in his life, but that's a separate issue). He tries to get in my space and sit on top of me every step of the way. About 6 minutes in, I hear the washer ding. I debate quitting the workout to switch laundry, but I know that I will get sidetracked, and I've only got 4 minutes left. So, shaking and sweating, I decide to finish. I'm embarrassed that I'm this out of shape. I go upstairs to do a quick rinse-off and change clothes. While in my closet grabbing new clothes yoga pants, I hear a faint splashing coming from my bathroom. What the hell? I know I left both kids downstairs. I go check the sound out, and Bobby is elbow deep in toilet water. Are you effing kidding me right now? I thought we were past this. This kid is a Baby Gate Houdini. He's too far in the toilet water to get by with rubbing hand sanitizer on him; this will require a bath. I am pretty frustrated by this point, but I take his wet clothes off of him and put him in the bath. He fights me every step of the way, and I mentally calculate how many changes of clothes the three of us have gone through so far today. He climbs out of the tub and runs around the house butt-ass-naked until I can wrestle him and get a diaper on him. It's at this point that I realize I have accidentally left Vivi in her high chair for almost an hour.

4:30 pm - I get Vivi down from her high chair and clean up the mess that they made on the floor. I go  into the living room to move all the furniture back and realize that I really need to vacuum under the couch. There's way too much dust and random food particles for me to feel good about myself. I vacuum. Bobby immediately comes through the living room leaves a trail of Cheeze-Its crumbles after him. Wait, how did he get Cheeze-Its? I peek into the kitchen and see that he has dragged the piano bench through the dining room to the kitchen, climbed on top of it, gotten on top of the counter, and grabbed the box. How the hell did I miss that? I sigh and then suddenly realize that I forgot to switch out the laundry. I'm too tired to switch it now, but I don't want it to sour, so I rewash it out of laziness. 

5:00 pm - Bobby wants oranges. He grabs the new bag of oranges that we just got from the store and asks for them. We still have two of the older oranges in the fruit bowl. "You have to eat the oranges that we already have out first, and then we can open the new ones," I tell him. He glares at me, and we are in a stand-off, but I will win this. I peel him one of the oranges from the fruit bowl and hand it to him. He throws the orange and then lashes out and takes a swing at me. I am very close to losing it. I pick him up and take him to his room, discipline him, and then make him stay in his room. I play with Vivi for a few minutes in the living room while Bobby screams upstairs until he calms down. I go up and ask him if he is ready to be a happy boy. He agrees, and we decide to go on a quick walk. 

5:45 pm - We return from our walk, and we catch the end of the evening news. My friend comes over with her kids. We have been doing dinners together all week since both of our husbands are gone. It's so nice to have a friend to spend the end of these crazy days with. I prepare a chicken and wild rice soup while the kids are playing, and we try to chat in the middle of a series of "Mom!" and "Help!" I don't know how moms ever carry on conversations at play dates. 

6:15 pm -  We feed the kiddos with few incidents, and then Alex FaceTimes with us for approximately two minutes before he has to go back to work. We eat our dinner amidst the shrieks and screams coming from four kids under four. It is good to have friends. I couldn't make it through these weeks if I didn't have mom friends. 

7:45 pm - Our friends leave, and we head upstairs for baths. I put away laundry, lay out our clothes for tomorrow morning, and the kids play in the bath. I get them out, dry them off, and lotion them up. I get on my hands and knees to wrestle Vivi into her diaper, and I lament that my knees are almost raw in patches from doing this so often. I have to chase Bobby around the entire upstairs before I get him in his. I don't know what it is about being butt naked that makes him feel so frisky. I again wrestle Vivi into her pajamas, and I am able to put Bobby's shirt on. I corral him into my lap and try to put him pants on him, when he bucks and knocks my jaw with his head. That's going to leave a bruise. Awesome. 

8:15 pm - It's way later than I normally put them to bed, but we got sidetracked. I put Bobby into my bed and set him up with an episode of Curious George while I get Vivi a bottle and take her to her room. I rock her while she finishes it, and she goes down for the night. I take Bobby to his room, read him a book about airplanes, say our prayers, and rock him for a few minutes. This is the time in the day when he's at his sweetest. He's calm and docile and kind. He hugs me and kisses me and cuddles. I treasure these few minutes that I have with him. 

8:30 pm -  I am exhausted as I head back to my room, and I debate going straight to sleep, but I really need to bathe so that I will be ready to go for Bobby's appointment in the morning. I shower and then decide that I want to work a little more on my project. Before I know it, it's almost midnight. I go downstairs and binge eat some pretzels and Nutella before heading back upstairs to bed.

11:45 pm - I double check  that my alarm is set, and then I put my eye mask on. I'm not worried about the morning. Even if my alarm didn't go off, Bobby always wakes me up early. 

The next thing I know, it's 9:42 in the morning, my kids are screaming, and I'm all sorts of confused. I'm not excusing myself, but I am explaining what went down the day before to leave me exhausted. And the sad thing is that I've left quite a bit out. Including the 6 times I got up to pee during the night.

How does your day go? Do you fear that people think you don't do anything all day? Are you exhausted all the time? Am I just crazy? That's a possibility.

Anyhow, HAPPY FRIDAY! 

Keep on keepin' on!

-Annette