Peaches & Honey: Thankful

I’m guilty of having the prototypical first-child Type A personality, where I have a compulsive need to plan for things and look forward to what is coming for me in the future—What is coming next. What we are having for dinner. Where we are going to put the Christmas tree. When we are going to take that trip to Disney World. When Alex will be going on his next TDY. When my flipping hair is going to start growing back in so I can stop looking like a sad, homeless man.

I have a hard time even enjoying things like a massage or a pedicure (I’ve had neither in about 84,000 years, fyi), because I am counting down the time I have left, and/or thinking about my babies at home, or wondering when I’m going to have time to run to the grocery store, or thinking about how I should have called the doctor’s office to make an appointment for Vivi’s next checkup (but I didn’t, because I really hate going thru the dreaded military health facility’s phone tree. Crap).

This crossed my mind the other day—about how I run and run (unfortunately, not literally), plan and plan, think and think—and I realized that I need to just chill. I need to stop and smell the roses.

My favorite part of the day is when I put Bobby to bed. We have a very specific routine. First we read a book or two, and then we say our prayers. We start off with the Lord’s Prayer, and then we move into a more specific prayer, where we thank God for our day, every member of our family, our friends, the house we live in, the food we eat, and the clothes we wear. Then we ask the Lord to watch over us and heal those who are sick or need extra help. I really enjoy this time, because it is the only time I have all day to just sit, hold my baby, and think about how blessed I am.

There are so many bizarre things going on right now. Isis is scary. Ebola is scary. The baby-killing enterovirus is scary. Rioting is scary. I’ve recently seen friends lose children; I’ve seen children lose their daddy. It’s enough to make a person wind up really tight and get extremely anxious with fear and worry…especially if you are a person who finds it difficult to relinquish control. But I’m starting to realize that I am not in control.

I don’t know for sure if my husband will get out of his jet tomorrow. I don’t know for sure that I won’t get in a car crash tomorrow. It’s beyond my power as a human being to make decisions like that. And I need to just accept life for what it is—fragile—because I have seen too much craziness in the 364 days between last Thanksgiving Day and the Thanksgiving Day that is upon us. I have never been so thankful for the people in my life and my amazing blessings.

I am thankful for my husband. He is a wonderful man to me and an amazing father to our babies. He is helpful and thoughtful, and he always puts our needs before his own. I am thankful that he has a good job that he loves. It isn’t always the easiest job for him or our family, but we make it work, and I am so happy that it makes him happy. Most of all, I am thankful that my husband still makes me feel like I’m the only girl in the room. That’s a secure feeling that every woman should have.

I am thankful for my darling children. I am so blessed to get the experience of a wonderful boy and girl. They are sweet, beautiful, happy, and healthy (despite their current sick-bed statuses), and they have such strong personalities. I am thankful that I have the choice to stay home and raise them during this pivotal stage in their lives. I won’t lie—it is difficult some days. There are times when I envy my friends who have careers and are putting their college degrees to use, or those friends who can easily drop $200 on a new bag without batting an eye, or those friends who are killing it in the business world. But I know that I am doing something important, too. I could be doing those things, but this is what I chose, and this is what I want, and this is important. And I’m thankful that I have the choice, because not every mother has that choice.

I am thankful for my friends. The older I get, the closer I get with a tighter core group of friends. As most other girls do, I went through a phase where I had a lot of male friends at one point. But eventually you reach a stage in life where you need female companionship, and you care less about what men think, aside from your husband and your daddy. Almost all of my friends are women now. One from childhood, several from college, a few from military assignments, and a couple more scattered along the way. These girls get me through life. They know how to make me laugh when I need it, let me cry when I need it, make me feel better when I confess naughty binge eating secrets, and some know just the right advice to give when I’m close to murdering my toddler for pooping on the dining room rug. My friends are as good as gold and as tough as nails, and I am so blessed to have them all in my life.

This year, I am most thankful that I get to spend the holidays with my family. Since I’ve been an adult, the holidays have been incomplete to some degree, because I’ve never been able to spend a season with all of my family. In 10 years, I’ve only spent a couple of Christmases with Alex, due to deployments or him being stationed far away. The years I have gotten to spend the holidays with him, I was in Japan and far away from my family. I’m blessed to have never spent a holiday completely alone, but still, it’s always seemed like someone is missing. We are finally back on home turf this year, so we are spending Thanksgiving in Atlanta with Alex’s family, and we are celebrating Christmas in our own home this year and will be visiting my family. I feel for my friends who have deployed spouses or loved ones who cannot spend the holidays with them. It is hard to be so far away from the one you love at Thanksgiving and Christmas. I think that togetherness is what I am most thankful for this year.