I haven't done a cake post in a while, and I was thinking that this is a perfect time to share my recipe for the BEST coconut cake you will ever have in your entire life. With Mother's Day coming up next month, I can't think of a better cake to serve at a brunch for your mother or mother-in-law, or a more perfect gift for the dessert-loving mama in your life.

I tend to associate coconut cake with Easter, as one has always graced our Easter table since God was a boy. And I also associate coconut cake with my own mother. One of my most vivid memories of her in the kitchen was when she was making the frosting for a coconut cake right before Easter. I was in high school, and I was in the living room watching television with my friend; we were doing our own thing and not paying much attention to anyone else. Until we heard a crash. And a clang. And a shriek. And then expletives. Oh, the expletives. My friend said, "Um..maybe you should go check on your mom..?" 

I was a little terrified to walk in the kitchen, nervous about what I might find in there. But I cautiously entered, and I found myself in the middle of a war zone. Eggs were everywhere. Literally everywhere. It looked like she had thrown them up against the wall in a rage. My sweet mama had the biggest eat-shit-and-die look on her face and an egg in her hand. "Are you okay, mama? What happened??" 

She leaned over the counter and began to sob. "I've made this damned frosting three times and I can't get it right!" I went over and hugged her, and we decided that it wasn't worth redecorating the house over, and that she would try it one more time. I guarantee you that many a coconut cake has gotten tossed in the trash because of that pesky Seven Minute Frosting, and that makes me sad because they could've been salvaged. I won't lie, the fluffy frosting is really frustrating, and it has take me lots of practice to learn tricks to get it right. 

 

The biggest issue most people run into is ensuring that they have NO yolk in the egg whites. One huge tip I learned is to use Egg Beaters Egg Whites from a carton instead of separating the whites out of real eggs. It works just as well, you can't taste the difference, and it saves you from throwing eggs up against your wall. I promise. 

I have given further detailed instructions below. I personally do not have a double boiler, so I use my silver mixing bowl that goes to my stand mixer. I hold it above a pot of boiling water with one hand and continuously whisk with the other hand. This can get really old after doing it for 7 minutes straight, but it turns out perfect every time. No pain, no gain. Afterward, I transfer the bowl back to the stand mixer and then whip using the whisk attachment until the mixture turns into a beautiful, glossy, fluffy frosting.

Another short cut option is to use Duncan Hines' Signature Coconut Supreme Cake Mix. I didn't use it this time, but I have used it in the past when I was in a pinch. If you would prefer to do this, then simply substitute whole milk for water and butter for oil. It actually turns out just as good as the recipe made from scratch. I'm not even kidding, I swear. Once the filling and frostings are added, you can't even tell the difference, and nobody would ever guess.

Coconut cake is my favorite cake in the whole world, which speaks for itself because I like a whole lot of cakes. It's one of those cakes that tastes like candy. My recipe has a lot going on--it's a cake, a filling, and two different frostings. But trust me here. The cake is moist; the filling is sweet but ever-so-slightly tart from the sour cream; the butter cream is rich and decadent; and the fluffy frosting is a light as a marshmallow. To make this cake extra special, I used large-grated coconut shavings on top. 

Coconut cake is amazing in itself (it was even our wedding cake!). But, I promise you, this is the BEST coconut cake I've ever had. It's taken many years of perfecting, but I finally got it right. I hope that you decide to try it. I promise it's worth the time and effor, and I promise your mama will love it!

Coconut Cake
1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, at room temperature
2 cups sugar
4 eggs
3 cups sifted self rising flour
1 cup coconut milk
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract

*Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Spray Baker's Joy spray into four 8-inch cake pans (alternatively, you could use three 9-inch pans).
*Using an electric mixer, cream butter until fluffy. Add sugar and continue to cream well for 6 to 8 minutes. Add eggs, 1 at a time, beating well after each addition. Add flour and milk alternately to creamed mixture, beginning and ending with flour. Add vanilla and continue to beat until just mixed.
*Divide batter equally among prepared pans. Bake for about 30 minutes or until done (test with toothpick to make sure that the cake is cooked in the center). 
*Cool in pans 5 to 10 minutes. Invert cakes onto cooling racks. Cool completely.

Filling
1/2 cup powder sugar
1/4 cup sugar
1 cup sour cream
2 tbsp coconut milk
2 tbsp heavy cream
1 cup shredded coconut

*Mix all ingredients into a medium sized bowl and set aside. 

Buttercream Frosting
1 cup butter (2 sticks), softened
4 cups powdered sugar
3 tbsp coconut milk (may use a little more or less)
1 tsp pure vanilla extract

*Sift the powder sugar and set aside.
*Beat softened butter on medium speed for about 30 seconds. Add in powdered sugar slowly, pouring in coconut milk alternately to loosen the frosting to the desired consistency. Add in vanilla, and beat until smooth.

Fluffy Frosting
1 ¹⁄₂ cups sugar
¹⁄₄ teaspoon cream of tartar
¹⁄₈ teaspoon salt
¹⁄₃ cup water
2 egg whites
1 ¹⁄₂ teaspoons pure vanilla extract

*Place sugar, cream of tartar, salt, water, and egg whites in the top of a double boiler. (Actually, the way I do it is to use the bowl from my stand mixer and to hold it above a pot of boiling water on the stove. This is kind of physically demanding and gets really old after a couple of minutes, but it is the alternative if you don't have a double boiler).
*Mix it together with a whisk until combined. Place pan (or mixing bowl) over boiling water, being sure that the boiling water does not touch the bottom of the top pan/mixing bowl (if this happens, it could cause your frosting to become grainy, and that's no bueno). Whip vigorously and constantly with a whisk for seven minutes. WITHOUT STOPPING. 
*Pour the mixture into the mixing bowl of a stand mixer (unless that's what you were using to begin with) and transfer to a stand mixer. With a whisk attachment connected, add in vanilla extract, and then beat the mixture on high until you have a fluffy meringue-like frosting that forms nice peaks. It should look like this:

Assembly

*Place the bottom cake layer on a plate and pipe a ring of the Butter cream Frosting along the edges, creating a dam for the filling. Add 1/4 of the filling in the center of the cake and spread to the edges. Add 1/3 cup of the Fluffy Frosting on top of the filling and spread to the edges. Place the next layer on top. 
*Repeat the previous step.
*Repeat the previous step. 
*Place the top cake later atop the cake stack. Frost a crumb coat on the cake using the Butter cream Frosting and place in the refrigerator to let set (usually 10-15 minutes).
*Remove cake from refrigerator. Frost with the remainder of the Fluffy Frosting. Cover in shredded coconut. 
*Enjoy!

Where we are

I typically blog more about the kids and things we are up to; I try to not use this blog as a forum for droning on about myself, because nobody wants to hear that. I did, however, want to give an update on my journey. It's been a few weeks since I "came out," and a few things have happened since then.

I am 2/3 of the way through the process of getting an Interstim, which is essentially an internal TENS unit that shocks the bladder into behaving correctly. It isn't indicated for IC or chronic pain per se, but it tends to help many IC patients as a side effect. I have already tried literally everything else there is, and at this point, I really don't have anything to lose. It's worth a shot. 

After being selected as a candidate for the procedure, I went to a pre-op appointment to discuss how this would proceed. It was originally supposed to be a five week long process consisting of 2 stages: 

1)Stage 1 would be a surgery where a needle would be placed into my lower back in a location where nerves travel to the bladder. A small wire would be left in place and send electrical impulses to these nerves. I would be sent home for a week to see how things go. I would meet with the doctor again to discuss whether this Stage 1 test was a success or a failure. If it were a success, then I would move to Stage 2. If it's a fail, then I would have the wire removed and cry into a pillow for the rest of my life move on.

2)Stage 2 would be the second surgery where, assuming Stage 1 were a success, I would have the permanent device implanted and hopefully have some relief.

I was concerned about the length of time between surgeries; that's a lot of time to need help while caring for two little babies. But Alex and I decided it would be worth it in the long run, and my wonderful parents agreed to help out, so we decided to go for it. I went in for the first surgery on April 8th. 

Hey, you know what the difference between a surgery center and a spa is?

Drugs.

I won't lie to you; it was like a mini-vacation being at that surgery center. I took off my clothes and snuggled up into a big, warm surgical gown that had some sort of built-in heating device, and then they gave me IV sedation. Not too much, just enough to make you smile and float around on cloud nine. Mama was doing just fine here. They wheeled my happy ass into the operating room and I laid flat on my stomach as they gave me even more sedation and a local anesthetic to numb the lower back area. I couldn't see or feel anything. I had my eyes closed and was no more concerned about my whereabouts than if I'd been getting a massage at a four star resort. Until I felt a few tingles. My doctor began asking me where I felt these tingles...

..my butt..

..my foot..

..um..crotch?..

..foot again?..

She was trying to find just the right spot to place the needle. Whenever she got the correct placement, she said, "Okay, now this is about to hurt."

This concerned me a little bit because 1) I was already pretty relaxed and hadn't felt any pain so far, despite her cutting into my back, and 2) a doctor warning me "this is going to hurt?" Eff. That can't be good. Before I could even murmer, "okay," I inadvertently clenched up my whole body from an overwhelming pain. It felt like someone was sticking a very large, very stiff straw into my back. And you know what, that's pretty much what she was doing. She had to insert the catheter in order to place the wire through. So that was the pain I felt. Unfortunately, I couldn't unclench myself. I tried with all my might, and it was just way too painful to unclench. I told her I couldn't, and she said, "Alright, we are going to put you under."

The next thing I knew, Alex was standing beside my hospital bed back in the recovery room, and I was trying to figure out where I was. I looked at my side and at the device connected to my back from a wire (yes, a wire was literally hanging out of my back. Very sci-fi). 

This is the beeper-like temporary device that connects to the wires in my back. These switches control how much stimulation I get and where it is located.

I felt a very strange vibrating in the bottom area. And then the soreness hit me. Now that I think about it, I have dealt with plenty of pain for the majority of my life, but I've never had an actual surgery with incisions. It's an odd pain; it hurts to move, and it throbs at times, but it doesn't concern me in the least because I know that it will go away soon. I will, however, take whatever meds they want to throw at me for it in the meantime. After getting a very generous shot of morphine, Alex drove the 90 minute trek back home while I dozed on and off.

The next couple of days were a blur. I was sore and couldn't do much moving, especially not with the kids, so Alex and my parents tended to them while I laid up in bed with books, Netflix, and a Vicodin Rx. Honestly, it was the best vacation I've had in a while. 

But I did feel out-of-touch from my kids, even just after a few days. That made me sad. I found myself coming downstairs just to see them and touch them, which really only created further problems, as they like to climb on me. And also, I can't stand being downstairs with mess-makers and not be able to get on my hands and knees and clean. That kills me. I'll start sneaking away to clean, and then I get in trouble and have to be sent back upstairs. So the kiddos spent much time in their pajamas fighting over who gets the last pretzel, dragging out every toy on God's green earth, and probably eating each others' snot or something.

I finally got the nerve up to look at my back, and I saw this. 

Two incisions and then another hole where the wire hangs out, connected to a beeper-like device that clips on to a belt. I couldn't tell much at first regarding success; I was still peeing a lot and I still had pain. So I waited. And waited. 

I finally began to decrease my bathroom trips from 30x to about 17x a day. That's something, I guess. But the pain itself wasn't much changed. I felt a slight decrease, but it wasn't what I was hoping for. After a couple more consults with my doctor, she told me that she wouldn't consider this procedure to be a success. I teared up. I agreed with her-- this wasn't the huge change I had prayed for--but this was my last shot. Admitting defeat would be giving up on my last shot and accepting pain for the rest of my life. I just couldn't do that. 

Right as I was getting ready to lose it, she proposed an alternative:

"Let's try a second Stage 1." 

We agreed to do the exact same thing all over again on the other side of my back. She said it's unusual to resort to two devices, but it's not unheard of. So I decided to give it another shot. Unfortunately, this adds two more weeks onto the timeline. I was frustrated, but I figured I'd come too far to not try another option. 

I had the second procedure done last Wednesday, April 22, and it was a repeat of the first. Now I have two more incisions on my back and two wires hanging out of the hole in my back connecting to two beeper-like devices that I wear on a belt loop yoga pants. 

Please excuse the tragic selfies, as I very rarely take body shots of myself..but here you can see that now I have two more incisions, two wires, and two external devices.

It's really annoying. It's quite literally a pain in the back. The incisions ache and itch, and my kids love yanking at the hanging wires, which pulls my back on the inside every time. Sometimes I clip the edge of our kitchen island with my hip, and it accidentally turns the device dial all the way up to 10, which feels like I am getting tasered with an electric cattle prod in the ass. 

Not that I really know what that feels like.

But there's a nice mental image for you.

I went to an appointment yesterday to discuss where we go from here. I am going to the restroom a lot less, but my pain hasn't decreased an exceptional amount, maybe 25% less. I don't necessarily think that the device is helping relieve the pain, but more that the device is distracting me from the pain. The sensation it gives is a strange, electrical, mild vibrating or buzzing sensation in the bottom half of my body. I don't know how to better describe it. So when the pain gets particularly bad, I turn the levels up and shock myself into distraction. It's the same concept of slamming your finger in a door to distract yourself from the pain of a broken leg. It's not the ideal technique, but it's better than nothing. 25% is better than 0%, so I'll take it.

We decided to go ahead and move on to Stage 2, where I will get the implants. The doctor will go into my back and create a pocket on each side of my lower back, and she will place the tiny devices into the pockets. I will have a remote control if I need to turn it off at any point. Kind of creepy, but that's life these days.

*This is not me. This is an example of what they will do to me during the final surgery. They will cut deep and make a subcutaneous pocket to put the permanent device in.

Meanwhile, my darling beasties have been hanging out a lot lately with their amazing grandparents and their loving daddy, as I can do very few of my mom chores. But Alex is finally back at work, and my parents have returned home this week, so I am on my own with them for now. And it's going okay. We're going to be okay.

Keep on keepin' on!

Happy Birthday, Vivien Louise!

    My Sweet Vivi Lou,

This time one year ago--after the longest, most miserable pregnancy in the history of all mankind--your daddy and I welcomed you into this world. It was a sunny Monday morning, and you made the world even brighter with your sweet little face. You let us know immediately that you were easy-going, and that has continued to be true for this first year of your life. 

You have a big, beautiful, gap-toothed grin, and you draw it out every chance you get. You are sweet, perpetually happy (unless your brother indulges in extreme assholery), and you are easily contented. I love hearing you chatting with your babies in the morning before I come collect you from your crib, and I love seeing your huge baby browns light up every morning when I walk in your room. 

You know those big brown eyes you have? I have the same ones. I used to wish for blue eyes or green, or really any color except brown. But as I have grown up, I have come to love them so much. And that is because they are not only my eyes, but they're also my mama's eyes, and they're also her mama's eyes. And, if I had to guess, they were probably her mama's eyes before that. So please don't ever wish for anything more than what you have, because those eyes belong to generations of tough, brown-eyed ladies. And I can tell that you are one more tough, brown eyed little lady.

I like to call this your "Grumpy Cat"

You are already so tough. Your resilience and affability impress me every day. Before I ever met you, I prayed that you would be tough enough to handle your wild big brother. I wasn't disappointed. You almost always let his shenanigans roll off your back, which is not an easy thing to do. I admire your energy, your girlish charm, and your bonhomie.

Straight-up bonhomie.

I can already tell that you are growing up so much; you are almost a toddler, which breaks my heart a little bit because you are my last baby. Your delicious rolls are beginning to stretch out now that you are growing taller and walking. You are becoming more independent. Even your itty-bitty, teensy-weensy feet--which have been the subject of many chuckles over this last year--are growing. In fact, you now wear a big ol' size 2 shoe! (For comparison's sake, Bobby wore a size 4 shoe on his first birthday, so...yours' are still pretty small, my dearie). You wear 12-18/18-24 month clothing, depending on the brand, but I have a gut feeling that you are really about to slim down into a streamlined little tot. This is not due to your lack of eating.

 You love eating; it's one of your favorite things to do. You particularly love bread, cheese, and cake (welcome to the girl's club). You and I sat on the kitchen floor the other day watching television while we split half a wheel of Brie, and I thought, "this is what having a daughter is all about."

You're one of my very best little friends. It makes me sad to know that I won't always be able to be your friend. I'm not going to make that mistake. My first job is to be your mama and to guide you, talk to you, listen to you, share my experiences with you and hope that you learn from them.

My main role is to teach you right from wrong. So you aren't always going to like me, and that's okay (even though I know it's going to tear me up inside a little bit when you hit the "I hate my mom" phase). Because I know that you will come back to me, and that one day you will be calling me over to talk about the stupid thing your husband did that day or how crazy your little kids are driving you. And I will hug you and tell you it's going to be okay, because I was there once, and my mama was there before me. That's what mamas do. 

I know all of this is eons into the future, and I'm not going to psych myself out about it right now, but it has been on my mind lately--how you're growing and changing and becoming more independent. Right now I am going to savor this sweet little moment in time, sitting on the kitchen floor and eating Brie with you. But I want you to know that I will always be here to sit on the kitchen floor and eat Brie with you, no matter the age or the season. Because you're my girl.

You have no idea how much you are my girl.

You're also your daddy's girl, you know. I could only picture him as a dad to a boy before you came along, so honestly, I wasn't sure how he would be with a girl. I had no doubt he would be great, but he's really more of a guy's-guy. I knew, however, the second he held you that he was smitten. He took you over to the window of the delivery room on that bright, sunny Monday morning, and introduced you to the world. And you smiled. Ever since then, he has been head-over-heels for you. You love him back lots. You love his funny faces and his peek-a-boo games, and you thoroughly enjoy the nightly bath that he gives you and Bob. 

Ah, Bob. He is simultaneously your best friend and mortal enemy. Despite his reluctance to share and your insistence on hair pulling, you two really do love each other. He has been your greatest teacher. You have learned how to walk and how to play because you have a big brother showing you the ropes. When you were a wee newborn, he wasn't sure what you were; I think he may have thought you were a loud pet. He found you amusing; he got a kick out of rocking you in your swing and terrorizing your pacifiers. But you two have grown together a lot over this year, and you two love each other a lot. Although his main thrill in life is giving you all the crappy pieces of Lucky Charms, you'd be lost without each other. One of my favorite things in the world is to see him lean over and kiss you on the head. 

Okay, so I don't have any pictures of that, per se.

Vivi Lou, you are so sweet and charming and happy. I enjoy you all throughout the day because you are so rarely disagreeable, but one my favorite times to spend with you is at bed time. You are all clean from your bath, and we go sit in your bedroom rocker and read a book. Then we say our prayers. And then we rock in the dark as we listen to "Visions of Johanna" and you drift off to sleep. I often drift off to sleep right along with you, and then I awake hours later--the time unbeknownst to me--with the record player still spinning round and round, and I just look at you sleeping peacefully. You sleep so peacefully and beautifully (a quality you most certainly did not inherit from your mother). 

Look how sweet she sleeps, how free must be her dreams

That is my second favorite time of day with you. My very favorite time of day with you is the morning, as I mentioned before. Walking in and seeing your huge grin and the happiness that you ooze..that's my favorite. It's the one time of day I can be guaranteed to make someone smile. And, in return, I can't help but smile back at you.

You have a way of making everyone who sees you smile, and I beg you to not ever lose that.

You're the best, Vivi Lou, and this has been the best year of our lives. Thank you for being you and making the world a little sunnier. 

Happy first birthday, darling. 

Love,

Mama

A Sweet Shop First Birthday Party

You know how I recently mentioned that I have given up sugar? Well this was the catalyst. This confectionary bacchanalian binge. 

 Although Vivi's actual birthday isn't for a few more days, we recently celebrated it with a big, calorific sugar orgy. I really wasn't going for a theme, per se. Just a party with sweet stuff and pretty pastels. But I suppose that, in retrospect, the theme may as well have been "let's introduce the generation of tomorrow to diabetes." 

I enjoy cooking regular food as much as the next guy, but my passion lies in crafting sweets. We decided to hold the party at 3 in the afternoon for a couple of reasons--1) it's after naps, and 2) it's a good time of day to just nibble instead of eating a full meal. I haven't gotten to do anything fun with pastels since our wedding, so Vivi's first birthday was a perfect time to bring out some of the ol' Steel Magnolias decor and put my baking cap on. 

We had rice crispies, coconut dipped marshmallows, meringue cookies, doughnuts, petit fors, macaroons, cotton candy cones, chocolate covered pretzels, almond cookies, and white chocolate dipped oreos. It was enough to make a girl go wild.

We had two cakes--a smash cake for Vivi and a regular people cake for the regular people. Both were a cherry chunk cake, filled with sour cherry preserves, and frosted with cherry almond buttercream. You know I'd rather walk on my lips than to toot my own horn, but it was pretty damn delicious :)

 I got a bunch of flowers from the grocery stores around here and embarked on my first venture in flower arranging. I am not one with a green thumb; I typically look at flowers, and they die. So I was a little nervous. But it turns out that when you are working with pretty pink roses, tulips, and peonies, they kind of arrange themselves.

We also had a cheese platter, proscuitto sticks, cream cheese cucumbers, and crudites with hummus, but where's the fun in that? So it's not pictured. 

  We enjoyed beverages including pink lemonade, cream soda, peach fizzies, and beer.

  Vivi pregamed for the event.

 And then she went to town on her smash cake.

Bless her heart. She did a really good job with it. And despite how eagerly she ate it--and I mean she ATE it--it really wasn't that much of a mess.

 Bobby, never one to be left out, also got his quota of sugar for the year. I'm pretty sure he ate three doughnuts in one sitting. By himself. I wasn't even mad; I was impressed.

After the cake smash, we joined all of our guests out back at the pool for an afternoon swim. And then we sent all the kids home on a sugar high, hee hee.  It was really a wonderful afternoon to celebrate our favorite girl, and I hope she enjoyed every minute of it!

And then just like that, I was over sweets.